1. Ring - I really didn't know anything about this film going into it, which is the best way to see a horror film. All I'd heard was it was a scary Japanese film, which seemed extremely exotic at that time, when DVDs were just starting to leak out from other countries. I had to seek out the DVD at Scarecrow Video (one of the best video stores in the world), because at that time, nobody else was carrying it.

#5. - Return of the Living Dead - This is the movie that began my zombie obsession. Another movie that my mom let me watch way too young. I think what freaked me out most was that there was absolutely no way to kill them. You could chop them up into the tiniest little pieces and they'd still come after you. I had a recurring nightmare about a zombie with no legs crawling into my room and grabbing me from the floor after seeing this movie. The simple line: "Brainnnsss!!" always gave me chills. The movie holds up extremely well today, still my all time favorite zombie film. It's also the original running-zombie film. Now I can appreciate it for how funny it is, it's got an extremely dark sense of humor. A must see for any horror fan!

#6. Aliens - I really can't believe my mom let me watch this when I was about 11 years old. I hadn't seen Alien yet, so this was my first exposure. The first time I saw the chest-burster scene, that absolutely freaked me out of my mind. When Ripley is trapped in the room with the baby alien, that scared me so much that I couldn't be in a room alone for a while. The whole movie really got to me, I had recurring nightmares about those alien. But I also loved every minute of it and went back and re-watched this film so many times as a kid. Easily one of my most watched films of all time and it still holds up beautifully as an incredibly well made sci-fi/action film.

#8. Pet Sematary - Another movie that I saw way too young thanks to my mom. I couldn't even make it all the way through the first time. The guy who dies in the car accident and actually ends up being kind of a good guy, his bloody face freaked me out and I couldn't make it to the end. But I became obsessed with knowing had happened and a few days later I watched the rest and was terrified for months afterwards.

There were so many things about this film that bugged me. When Gage comes back to life and he slashes his Grandpa's Achilles tendon from under the bed, I couldn't walk by a bed without thinking about it. But what got to me the most was one shot in the film, where the sister who's dying from spinal meningitis and looks just creepy as hell, runs at the camera after she opens a door. Every time I opened a door for years after this, I had to brace myself for her running at me. It's also kind of a zombie film and for whatever reason, the idea of somebody coming back to life after death, is what creeps me out the most in the whole world. ”

#8. Alone in the Dark - This is how funny parents can be about violence and nudity. There are quite a few gruesome kills in this film, somebody gets cut in half by a cleaver while hanging upside down at the very opening of the film. An image which haunted me for years, but my friends parents, who's house I was spending the night at, had no problem with us kids watching that part. But when a girl take her shirt off later in the movie, they made us cover our eyes, I of course peaked through my fingers. The boobs didn't scare me in the least, it was everybody getting killed in horrible ways, it was a family's house being attacked by a group of psychos. That scared me... but of course I loved it.

This movie actually still holds up pretty well. It's a mostly forgotten 80's slasher flick that's full of tension and pretty well made. I'd love to remake it someday.

#9. The Thing - I remember seeing the trailer on TV when I was really young. I don't remember exactly what I saw, but just that alone gave me nightmares for days. I probably didn't see the film till years later, but it freaked me out pretty good at that time too, although I think the real damage had already been done by the trailer.

Today, it's still one of my personal favorites. I love the arctic setting, it's got some very memorable characters and one of the greatest "villains" of all time. I love that it can infect anyone, they themselves may not even realize it and after that, they're pretty much indestructible and the old school make-up effects are still wonderful. Just a kick-ass film all around, John Carpenter's best.

#10. Poltergeist - I don't really remember seeing this movie for the first time. It didn't haunt me for years like many of the others on this list. I mostly remember it for the imagery. Toy clowns scared me for years after this. The guy ripping his face off in the mirror freaked me out, every time I looked in the mirror, that came to mind. The maggots on the chicken grossed me out, I couldn't eat chicken without checking it first. A TV with static on it... yikes! Actually, that one still kind of gets me, almost nothing creepier than a dark room, lit up by nothing but TV static.


This movie holds up incredibly well, even the effects still look good. American ghost movies have never scared me, this is still easily my favorite one and the only one I ever remember having any effect on me.

#11. Nightmare on Elm Street - This is another film that my friends told me about a few years before I actually saw it. The idea of a monster being able to attack you and kill you in your dreams was an awful one. I already had enough trouble falling asleep as a kid, but the idea of falling asleep being what could kill me was destructive. I remember many nights where not even knowing, just the speculation of what happened in the movie, kept me from sleeping.

When I finally saw it, it mostly lived up to all the horrible ideas that I had about it. But somehow at the end, when Nancy dismisses Freddy with by simply saying "You're not real" saved me from many more sleepless nights. So this was a rare case, where actually seeing the movie was less scary than the idea of the movie. ”

13. Friday the 13th - Here's one of my examples where just the poster of the film scared me. This one hung in my neighbor's house and I just had to know what happened at that summer camp! Why was that knife so bloody?! The neighbor kids told me about some of the death scenes in the film, which made me want to see it all that much more.

When I finally saw the film, it didn't disappoint in the least. The stalker POV was really effective on me as a kid, I loved the whole Friday the 13th series, a lot of it had to do simply with that POV. The classic musical stinger "Ch, ch, ch, ha, ha, ha..." would run chills up my spine no matter how many times I'd seen whichever version I was watching. I still love this series. The original is far and away the best and still holds up well. The rest are mostly fun for the 80's filmmaking and all the inventive ways they come up with how to kill the camp counselors. ”

I'm watching this film, because I vaguely remember the cheesy video cover from when I was a kid, but never got to see the film. Now it's playing on MGM-HD, with the film's descripition reading - A detective and doctor tie rapes to bug-eyed aliens who are posing as humans in order to multiply. Sounds too hilarious to pass up.

Opening few minutes - A prostitute leaves a taxi cab in a bad part of town, she's followed by a mysterious man, who turns out to be an old German guy, walking his little dog. They talk for a moment, before the guy falls to the ground clutching his chest. Suddenly his hand transforms into something monstrous, the girl just stares, until he grabs her leg, rips her dress open, then carries her off screaming.

4 - 8 min. - The most unconvincing movie doctor and the most unconvincing movie detective I've probably ever seen. Quite the impressive feat, considering they're in the same scene together.

8 min. - The detective just told the mangled and barely conscious prostitute: "You're not dead, you're alive, and if you're alive, then you can remember what happened." - The doctor stands there knowingly, like that's good advice.

11 - The doctor goes over the case-loads of 5 other women this has happened to. Apparently they were all virgins. Now I'm confused... the girl who I thought was a hooker, was in fact just the sluttiest looking virgin in history.

12 min - Super cheesy montage of a girl modeling a bikini.

13 min. - Cocaine and nude aerobics! - The camera lingers on the model's nude body while ear-numbing synth music plays... when did this turn into a porno?

15 min. - The photographer walks in on the girl lying nude in the studio, suddenly his chest bursts open and he starts to change into something else. The make-up effects are actually pretty well done. I'm guessing this girl is supposed to be a virgin as well, but what kind of virgin snorts coke and lounges about nude in public places?

24 - As a homeless woman gets attacked by a rubber-faced alien, I'm looking up filmmaker Tim Kincaid on IMDb. He's directed 44 films in his career, not a single one of them have I even heard of besides this one. A lot of them sound suspiciously like porn, with titles like Joe Gage Sex Files Vol. 3 and Gale Force: Mens Room II. Although Robot Holocaust sounds awfully promising. (Emphasis on the awful.)

29 - I always get undressed in my kitchen.

32 - "Enough to know that I want you to bear my children." - Is what the guy tells the girl who's naked in her kitchen, after she finds him watching her and asks him what he's seen. Of course he's one of the aliens... yeah, just stand there and scream honey, don't try to run, that would make too much sense.

38 - Don't any women in New York run when they see an alien?

40 - Oh god, the teenage orderly has a crush on the virgin-hooker... and now he's discovered that all the women attacked have returned to normal, at least on the outside that is.

45 - Virgin-hooker is awake and just stabbed the orderly in the gut with a knife, and is now roaming the hospital corridors nude.

52 - The alien stopped a human rapist, so maybe he's not so bad after-all... ok, never mind.

55 - There isn't a girl in this film who hasn't taken her shirt off within the first 30 seconds of appearing on screen. (That's not a complaint.)

60 min - The detective and doctor have followed the nude model into the depths of New York subways system, where she meets up with the rest of the girls, who are all skinny dipping in some sort of pulsating alien hot-tub.

62 - Now some random hospital worker, who's also followed along, is explaining the whole alien plot and why they need virgins to reproduce.

65 - This!
67 - The detective and doctor stand by slack-jawed as the hospital assistant slowly mutates into one of the aliens. They don't bother to react until it finally goes on the attack.

70 - Now the nude girls writhe about in the alien hot tub, while the doc and dick painfully work out a plan to stop the aliens dastardly plans.

72 - Naked lady stew!

74 - Wow... this movie was exceptionally bad, while also being eminently watchable, with its terrible acting, some of the worst ever committed to film, painful dialog, and more believable human interaction found in porno films. But the crazy plot, gory effects, and boobs being exposed every 3 to 4 minutes, keep the film entertaining. If you're into bad movies, this is a gem.

During June, IFC was running Grindhouse nights, featuring old horror and exploitation flicks. Most of the films I had seen, or already own on DVD. But they showed three films from the late 70's and early 80's that I had never seen, or in the case of The Howling, hadn't seen in so long that I didn't really remember it.

Even more amazing was the slasher flick, The Burning, how this film escaped my attention for so long, I'll never know. Released one year after the original Friday the 13th, this film is so much better than most of the other slasher films of the decade, that I can't understand why it doesn't have a better reputation. The plot is nowhere near original, a dim-witted summer camp custodian is accidentally burned alive, when a practical joke by some campers goes awry. Years later he returns to take his revenge on some unsuspecting teenagers. Typical stuff.

But there are a couple of things that sets this film apart from the deluge of other films of this genre. The film-making is very well done for a low-budget, early 80's, slasher flick. They're able to build tension, through some deft editing and good cinematography. This was actually the very first film made by Miramax, long before it became a powerhouse on the independent filmmaking scene, and a young Harvey Weinstein was one of the originators of the film. Special effects legend Tom Savini, created the gruesome murders, which are much gorier and more believable than most of the films from this era, definitely a high point of the film.

What truly sets this film apart, is that you actually care about these young campers. I've seen every Friday the 13th film multiple times, and I don't think the entire series created as many likable characters as The Burning did in one film. They had some extremely fortunate casting, with appearances by four notable actors. A very young, skinny and full-head-of-haired Jason Alexander, shows his comedic chops as Dave, the camp's clown. Fisher Stevens, who's been a reliable sidekick for three decades, plays his friend Woodstock. Brian Backer, who went onto great success a year later in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, plays the third friend Alfred. You actually care about these guys, the screenplays helps to build some of that, by creating an obstacle in the form of a camp bully. Most everyone in this film comes across as real, even the councilors, more than just their stock nerd, jock, hottie, etc. stereotypes; so when they die, it actually hurts a bit. You'll also see Holly Hunter, show up in a brief role.

After seeing this, I immediately moved it to near the top of my 80's slasher flicks list. I'd place it below Halloween and Sleepaway Camp, but above the original Friday the 13th, and way above most of the other copycats. I'm extremely surprised that this film didn't find more success in its original release, or on video in the years since. I've never heard it mention as part of this genre, let alone as one of the best. Where's the love for The Burning? If you're a fan of horror films, do yourself a favor and see it. - Grade: B+ (Seen on 6/21/08)

The film moves along very slowly for an exploitation flick, featuring a homicidal hotel owner, a man-eating-croc and very young Robert Englund visiting a brothel. There is no tension built, each murder is telegraphed minutes in advance. Instead of suggesting the violence, like in he did in TCM, they try to make the film gory. But it's so fake looking, thick, syrupy, way-too-red blood, that you can't take it seriously. And this is a film that wants to be taken seriously. It doesn't have much humor too it; except for some of the lines that hotel owner Judd throws out. There's an extended chase scene through the woods, featuring TCM actress Marylin Burns, that feels way too familiar. Almost half the film takes place on the front porch of the hotel, where there's a neon-red sign, so most the film is bathed in a red glow, which grows tiresome.

The film's not a total waste. Robert Englund, in one of his very first roles, plays a red-neck who really enjoys the company of young women, it's fun to see him stretch those early actor muscles. The man-eating crocodile is fun for a couple scenes, they do the smart thing, and keep it mostly hidden under the water, only suggesting at it's ferocity. But ultimately there's too much of Judd, wandering around his hotel, muttering to himself, every so often lashing out at his guests with a sickle. There's a fairly lame subplot about a father and daughter looking for sister, who got killed in the first scene, the two characters are boring and drag down every scene they're in. If you're into ultra-low-budget 70's horror films, you could do worse, otherwise don't bother. - Grade: C- (Seen on 6/15/08)

I watched Howling II not too long ago, but I don't think I've seen the original Howling since I was a kid, and it didn't leave much of an impact on me. My favorite werewolf film has always been An American Werewolf in London. But I'm surprised that I didn't remember The Howling more fondly. It turned out to be the 2nd best werewolf film I've ever seen. Which isn't saying a whole lot, since Hollywood has a hard-on for vampires instead, and we're lucky if we see a werewolf movie every 10 years.

The film has a great pedigree; it's directed by Joe Dante, who's made some great B-movies in his time, Gremlins, being the best of them. The screenplay was written by John Sayles, who is a very well respected filmmaker in his own right. The great Dee Wallace, who seemed to pop up as the innocent woman in half of the 80's horror flicks. And it's chalk full of great character actors, including Slim Pickens, Kevin McCarthy, John Carradine and Robert Picardo, among others. So all the right ingredients are there to make a great film. They manage to cook it up just about right, and create a pretty great horror film, with just the right amount of humor, to make this ridiculous idea go down a bit smoother.

At the beginning of the film, Karen White (Dee Wallace) an investigative reporter, has a run in with a killer at an old-school Times Square sex shop. Afterwards, she can't remember exactly what happened, but is having horrible dreams, and is struggling to get through every day life. A well respected psychologist, sends her and her husband out to one of his remote retreats, to get away from it all, where she can focus more on herself. Unknown to her, is that she's being sent to werewolf haven, and soon her husband is bitten on the arm, and before you know it he's mating with another werewolf and howling at the moon. Soon she's running for her life, as the whole camp is overrun by werewolves.

The changes these werewolves go through are the most impressive I've seen this side of American Werewolf, and it's no surprise, as the creator of those effects, Rick Baker, along with Rob Bottin, had a hand in these as well. In the clip I posted below, you'll see possibly the longest and most detailed transformation ever created. It gives a true depth to these monster. That, along with the strong acting, direction and screenplay, The Howling makes you believe that werewolves can exist. There are a couple cheesy moments, and the film drags slightly at times, but overall it is top-of-the-line when it comes to 80's horror films. They really don't put this much care into making them anymore. - Grade: B (Seen on 6/6/08)

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I originally saw this when I was about 12 years old and it scared the hell out of me. I remember laying in bed obsessively thinking about this shapeless killer sliming its way into my room. I've had affection for this film ever since. I watched it a few more times over the years, bought it when it first came out on DVD, and being in the mood for a decent 80's horror flick, decided to revisit it after running across it in my collection.

I don't believe I've ever seen the original The Blob all the way through. Sure I remember the imagery of Steve McQueen running from it, but that's about it. It's one of the classic sci-fi/horror movie ideas, and like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, I wouldn't mind them remaking it every other generation. I'm sure there's a script floating around for it right now, with a 2000's twist to it.

Despite some bad blue screen backgrounds, which pop up sparingly through this film, it remains fairly timeless. A solid script by Frank Darabont and director Chuck Russell sets the perfect tone, which is dryly funny, a fairly realistic take, and also seriously scary at times. They didn't wimp out when it came to the film's death scenes. Even going so far as to kill a little kid, an extreme rarity. I remember being stunned when the kid dies, they'd always gotten away before that, and that freaked me out.

Kevin Dillan, long before his Entourage days, plays Brian Flagg, a small town bad-ass, with accompanying leather jacket, motorcycle and silky-smooth mullet. And way before her turn as a killer in the Saw flicks, Shawnee Smith played Meg Penny, the town good girl, who always does the right thing. Their paths cross when Meg and her boyfriend run down an old man, who previously stumbled across the Blob and is now slowly snacking his hand. Brian rides with them to the hospital, so they can get their stories straight, but takes off before the Blob swallows the rest of the old man and then eats Meg's boyfriend.

Of course nobody believes Meg's story about the killer Jello, chalking it up to the shock of her boyfriend's death, but she knows what's out there. Soon it's eating more people, including in one of my favorite scenes, a couple out for a night of parking. Meg decides to take action and escapes out her bedroom window, running into Brian, the only other person to have seen the Blob and live. Looking for clues, they run across a group of Government scientists who are searching for the Blob, and unwittingly reveal its true origins. Meanwhile Meg's little brother, his friend and a theater full of people are attacked while watching a horror movie. After absorbing a few dozen people, the Blob has grown to massive proportions and the whole town is under risk. It's up to the rotten-egg and the goody-two-shoes to save everyone.

This film is fairly straight-forward, you can pretty much guess where it's going the whole time. But it's almost perfectly executed, making it a very fun ride. Director Chuck Russell uses some great gruesome effects, with people melting and getting sucked into drains, to convey the true horror that this ever growing shapeless killer is capable of. The dialogue is crisp throughout, making the ridiculous seem realistic, and giving Kevin Dillon a couple of great one-liners. I believe The Blob a forgotten classic, and if it weren't for John Carpenter's version of The Thing, I'd call it the best ever remake. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a a favor and do so. - Grade: B+

Sometimes you run across a film that despite not being a very well made film, there is a magical quality to it. Nightmare City is just that kind of film. With the perfect amount of cheesiness, mixed with great gore, nudity, a certain ineptitude in front of and behind the camera that is endlessly entertaining, but also enough skill in certain areas so that it's not too horribly painful to watch, and a deadly seriousness that becomes unintentionally hilarious. You honestly couldn't set out to make a film like this and make it work this well; many have tried and many have failed. You can't force your way into the label cult-classic, you sort of have to stumble your way in, and director Umberto Lunzi and crew tripped right into a masterpiece.

The film starts with reports of a nuclear accident; meanwhile our dashing-news-reporter-hero Dean Miller is at the airport where he's supposed to interview the scientist in charge of the power plant. Once the plane lands, a horde of zombies disembark with axes-swinging, knives-a-stabbing, and guns-a-blazing. Yes, guns. These aren't your typical zombies, they're quite proficient in using a number of weapons. Well, they're not technically zombies either; they're radiated and mutated humans, with zombie like qualities; rotting flesh, cannibalistic tendencies, and quick transfer of infection. They messily dispatch the rescue team sent to their plane, while Dean and his cameraman happily watch the blood-letting, only when one of the zombies (I'll continue to call them zombies for simplicities sake.) gets too close for comfort do they decide to run for it.

Dean rushes back to his TV studio and tries to interrupt his channels "disco show" for an emergency announcement; this was released in 1980 towards the end of the disco movement, this scene is painful to watch now, but the dancer get what's coming to 'em; he is unfortunately overruled by the military, who wants to pretend that everything is hunky-dory as the city is overtaken by the ever growing number of living-dead. When the zombies show up and start munching on all the dancers, Dean decides to escape the city, but first must find his wife who's an emergency room doctor. Where of course, the dead and infected are being rushed to in waves. Dean battles his way through the zombies, to save her and drive off into the country; where they're unable to find peace, as the military is hopelessly inept at stopping the radiation-infection from rapidly taking over the world.

The zombies, or seriously-pissed-off-radiated-humans are just too cool. Instead of trying to make them look like they've freshly risen from the grave, they're supposed to look mutated, which is achieved by basically slopping a bunch of green-crusty-goo on everybody's face; which ranges from slightly dis-nerving to hysterically inept. I love their use of weapons, instead of biting at people's hard skulls, they gouge them with knives and suck at the blood. They also have a tendency to rip girls shirts open, none who bother to wear bras; I mean if you're mutated and angry at the world, you might as well get some cheap thrills while your at it.

The acting is painfully bad; which isn't helped by the fact that it's all been dubbed. I never understood these Italian horror films, where half the time they seem to be speaking in Italian, the other half English, whatever the actors native language is; and the entire thing is then dubbed over, it's an extremely odd effect. The dialogue is deadly serious; it's supposed to be some great warning against the use of nuclear power, but it's delivered in such a ham-fisted way, that it's hilarious. The gore and blood come in great waves, with breasts ripped off and eyes torn asunder. The photography is nothing special, but you can see what's going on, and it's not bad enough to be distracting. The movie moves along at a good pace; there is constantly something gross, funny or both to be watching. Nightmare City is endlessly entertaining for anyone with an appreciation for fine cheese. - Grade: A

I have no idea why it took me so long to get to this film; a fairly well known 80’s slasher flick, starring Jamie Lee Curtis in her “Scream-Queen” prime, it should have been on my play-list a long time ago. My only excuse was that it never played on HBO while I was a kid and for the last fifteen years I’d never given it more expectation than some second-rate Halloween knockoff; which was my own conception, because it really has very little to do with Halloween beyond Jamie Lee being stalked by a killer.

The film starts with a fairly typical back-story for the eventual psychopathic-killer. All the main characters are at a Frat party, while they’re freshman, in order to prove themselves rush worthy a couple of the guys pull a prank on one of the nerds; they get Jamie Lee to lure him upstairs, to where they have a dead body lying in bed waiting for him (they're pre-med); she lures him to the bed, when they both discover the nastiness waiting for him. She gets pissed that what she thought was a harmless prank turned out to be so disgustingly mean, and he goes absolutely bonkers. Cut to four years later when they’re all graduating, and the guys who pulled the prank are now the kings of the Frat and are having the party of the year on a private train. There’s a small mention of the nerd, that he went off to some nut-house, and was just released; obviously we know where he’s going to show up.

What I initially passed off as a lame location for a slasher flick, actually turned out to be a pretty great one. Once the train is moving, you can’t get off, you can’t move laterally, only up and down the aisles and there are tons of doors for the killer to pop out of; it’s such a great space, that I think they’ll probably be remaking this in the next few years, except for the fact that nobody rides trains anymore, maybe make it a European vacation?

a The killer is also pretty memorable. Since it’s costume party, he’s able to wear a wicked looking Groucho Marx mask the whole time, without seeming suspect. There’s a great little moment at the beginning of the film, where he stabs a guy in the back and everybody thinks the stabee is playing a joke, stumbling about with this large knife sticking out of his spine; only later do they realize what happened to him. The kills are okay; too many people are killed by editing, with the film cutting away just before the knife drops, but there are a few decent ones, especially when Doc, the main Frat boy, gets his comeuppance. Maybe that’s why this isn’t greatly regarded horror film; because nothing stacks up with the Friday the 13th or Halloween deaths of the same time period.

If you’re looking for a fairly good horror film, that isn’t full of gore, you could do a lot worse than Terror Train. Jamie Lee Curtis is in great form here. The film is pretty well made, with good direction by Roger Spottiswoode, nice looking photography, with surprisingly good acting; and there is some actual suspense. There’s also some good unintentional 80's humor, with an extremely young David Copperfield starring as the party magician, who serves as a possible suspect. I was really surprised by how much I enjoyed this film, wish I could have seen it earlier in my life. Now I have to rectify another Jamie Lee 80's horror film, by watching Prom Night.

I heard about this film at one of my favorite new websites Head Injury Theater, where Jared von Hindman reviews a lot of cheesy horror films, most of which I’ve seen or at least known of. But this one was different, I didn’t know a single thing about it, and I always appreciate that in a film. All I needed was to read the first couple of sentences claiming this to be a well made horror flick, and I stuck it in my Netflix queue. I stopped there because I like going into films without someone else’s opinion stuck in my head (don’t let that stop you reading), so all I knew was that it was an Irish film about killer-mutant cows.

What I wasn’t expecting was a really well made little thriller; that happens to propose the preposterous idea of killer cows. The film starts with a woman with her arm half-way up a cow’s hoo-ha, checking on the progress of the calf growing inside. Suddenly the vet pulls her hand out, it’s bleeding, and she claims that the thing bit her. The farmer standing-by says that’s a ridiculous notion, she must have stuck it on something else. What, though?

A few days pass and the cow starts to go into labor. The farmer and another guy, who’s been illegally camping out on his property, go to the aid of the cow, because the little bugger doesn’t want to come out. Once they violently yank the thing into the world, the farmer goes to clean out the calf’s mouth; bad idea. Soon he’s skulking away with nine and a half fingers. Besides the nasty bite, the farmer knows there is something wrong with this calf, it’s just not normal. When he goes to put it out of its misery, the mother cow goes nuts, trying to jump over the fence between them, breaking her neck in the process. Soon, the vet shows up and she offs the little biter, but more so, she wants to know the truth.

She begins an autopsy on the mother and starts to reveal the full truth to the farmer and the audience. Apparently, they’ve been doing some genetic modification, and obviously it has gone wrong. Inside the mother cow, she finds a couple more things that appear to be cow fetuses, only horribly mutated, looking more like some sort of alien-insect. When one of them jumps to life, she smashes them to death; save for one that has wiggled its way off the table. And that’s when the cow shit truly hits the fan.

While things have seemingly returned to normalcy, a new breed of life is secretly growing to deadly proportions. What follows is sort of like Alien on the farm; the thing continues to grow, feeding on the cows, hiding in the dark-dank barns, striking out at the few humans that are unfortunately stuck there, because the doctor who originally altered the cow has determined that it’s highly contagious. The dread of the situation is built nicely and surprisingly realistically; the terror is treated with full seriousness and is told in a way that you can buy into the ridiculousness of a mutated cow killing everyone.

I was very surprised by how much I enjoyed Isolation, but even more surprised by how the film was built to be truly scary, without a hint of irony; which is a real rarity these days. The film is very nicely acted, good performances all around, with John Lynch from the wonderful film The Secret of Roan Inish playing the farmer. The film features some great dark photography that adds to the mood. Writer/director Billy O'Brien has crafted a horror film for this new age of genetic modification, that all at once is entertaining, terrifying and a damnation against tampering with animal DNA.

This was on one of the movie channels, I'm a sucker for any 80's horror film, and I had never seen it before; that's my excuse for watching this lame piece of crap. It's been quite a while since I've seen the original Wes Craven film. I did enjoy both of the remakes, slightly better than most slasher films these days.

So in this one, a group of dirt-bikers are taking a bus through the desert on their way to a race. The cast of characters includes one of the girls, Ruby, from the first film. Why she didn't start screaming bloody-murder the minute they turned off the main road and started to head into the territory where her entire family was killed, I'll never know. That's the second I stopped caring about this flick, because I knew that there wasn't going to be an ounce of intelligence to the script.

Again the kids are left stranded in the middle of the desert, with killer mutants on the loose. They do the typical stupid horror movie thing of splitting up so they're more easily killed. There's even one line of dialogue in the film, where they talk about sticking together, then literally minutes later, they've split into four or five different groups, a lot of them going off on their own. One girl is so sweaty that she just has to take a shower, no that's not asking for a violent death.

None of the kills are original. A lot of them take the cheap-skate way out and cut away as soon somebody is about to get it. The lamest thing about the film, is that there are only two mutants. The Reaper and Pluto, both left over from the first one. At least they got Michael Berryman and his cult-movie-face in it.

Wes Craven took a paycheck, and vacation from his brain while making this sequel. It's a complete waste of time; watch the original or either of the remakes, if you have to see some desert-mutants kill somebody.