Twitter Reviews

2/15/09

I'm trying something slightly different here, I'm going to throw down some random thoughts while I watch Hell Ride. Lets see how this turns out...

1-5 min. -
A cool intro to the main dude Pistolero, he's got an arrow in the gut and a pretty girl sitting on his face in the middle of the desert. But I think that's probably going to be the coolest part of the movie. They've started talking more... and had three more intros to characters, each lamer than the last. Michael Madsen, of course he's in this movie. He's become a cliche' onto himself. And the whiny guy from Six Feet Under is supposed to be a badass?

5:15 -
And then the award for the most cliche' shot in a action film award is presented to Hell Ride! These three dudes walk nonchalantly away from a giant explosion in the background, in slow-motion no-less, it's one part Desperado, one part Reservoir Dogs.

9:45 - "Quentin Tarintino Presents" - Would anybody watch this film, if not for his name?

11:30 -
This movie just got a whole lot better... I just saw over a dozen naked breasts in the last 30 seconds.

14:12 -
Precious little flash-back to dude's childhood, where he falls in love with Harley Davidson's.

15 - 18 min. - I just heard that women that have more mannish features are more precarious in bed... and this chick is looking kinda mannish, but in the hottest way possible. Yeah, that sounds weird, but if you see this scene, you'll get what I mean.

19:30 -
I hate when they shoot over the shoulder shots and you can hear the guy talking, but his jaw isn't moving.

25:37 -
They've made a vow to the three B's: "Bikes, Beer and Booty."

0 - 27 min. - This movie is really nicely shot, I'll give it that.

28:35 -
Oh yeah, Dennis Hopper's in this one... he raised it up a notch for now, let's see which way he goes with this. He could either ruin it with a lazy performance, or could turn in one of his fun, crazy roles. Man, he's looking leathery.

30:55 - These motorcycle riding scenes ain't got shit on Easy Rider.


33:17 - And they're still doing character intro freezes... get over it guys, you're a third of the way into the movie.

34:42 - I'm beginning to suspect that director Larry Bishop cast himself in the lead, just so he could get his hands on some young girl's butts.

38:39 -
Less than 5 minutes later, and he's already got his hands on another ass.

40 - 42 min - Pistolero's tripping on Peyote, I think that's his mom standing naked in front of him. Man, his mom was hot. Pretty decently done, as far as drug scenes go.

44: 09 -
An yet another intro... David Carradine's character. I've already forgotten his name, I'm so over these intros. Probably the worst decision in the film.

44 -55 min -
They've been developing some plot, finally. Some kind of mystery... we'll see how this turns out.

63 min.
-Mystery solved, it turned out to be a decent one, event though they seemed to wrap it up nearly as quickly as they introduced it. But that was probably the right decision, I don't think it was interesting enough to keep a whole film intriguing. Gives some more meaning, to a couple of quick flashes of scenes in the beginning .

66 min. - Now they're gearing up for the big battle between the two rival gangs.

69 min. -
There's guys getting shot and yet we see some quick shots of a few of the other guys who haven't bothered to turn around yet... not the best editing there.

70 min. -
Ouch! Shot him in the junk! - A retty good death scene, a nice way to go for a real asshole of a character.

73 min. -
A cool wrap-up for Dennis Hopper's character... they paid off on a couple of sayings to him of: "I thought you died in '86?"

80 min. - I'm glad they kept this one short, it could have gotten tiresome, but overall, I dug this flick. I was kinda ripping on it through this little review... it was honestly a lot of fun. Had a lot of hot chicks to look at, some good gory violence, a couple of trippy scenes and fairly well-made for a movie of this kind. A good B movie... I'll give props to Tarantino for lending his name to this one. I hadn't heard of Larry Bishop before, something gives me the feeling, we won't see another movie from him in a long time, if at all. I think this was his swan-song for his fairly unknown career in B movies. - Grade: B

2 Responses to Hell Ride (Live Review):

  1. I really didn't like this flick. It's all style no substance.

    I started off my review like this:

    The 3 B's. Bikers, Beer and Booty. That's the philosophy behind The Victors gang. I especially like the booty part.

    Lots of booty. And girls. Naked big breasted girls. It was a multicultural smorgasboard of biker babes and strippers.

    So much hotness, you can get easily confused. It was like being on nudity heroin.

    But once you become sober, you begin to realize that Hell Ride gives you full frontal and nothing else.

  1. I have to disagree with you on this one - you had it right in the beginning - had Tarantino's name not been on this movie, I doubt that anyone would have seen it - the best part of the movie was Leonor Varella! ;-)

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